“Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5 :21-33

Perfect, right? A clear set of instructions. The instructions in themselves are indeed true and perfectly inspired by the Holy Spirit, so following them to the letter should be no problem, right? Just like the symbolic promise represented in the wedding band, all should be perfect and inexplicably seamless, don’t you think? The truth of the matter is, as with life’s realities, things don’t always work out that way.

As the years went by, I never really took my ring off – not to shower, do my hair, go to bed and so on. The ring became so much a part of my figure that they began to really function as one. So much so that my finger no longer was able to distinguish between itself and the ring. There was no individual sensation between the two. It wasn’t just metal against skin anymore. They just purely were. As you grow in love , honor and respect for each other in your respective roles in your marriage, you learn about your little idiosyncrasies, your likes and dislikes, your dos and don’ts. You begin functioning together in unity and love. You may even experience people telling you that you’re beginning to sound alike, look alike and that you think alike. You relish in the joys of a not so problematic life. Yet, because marriage is a journey and not a destination and is a continuously changing and work in progress, you will find along it’s path much learning, growing, crying, laughing, building, creating, restoring, restructuring, removing and repairing, twists and turns, ups and downs, much joys and disappointments, storms to be weathered as well as many clear skies. Although we’d like it that we are never broached with any problems, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ gives us a “heads-up” in letting us know that while we are in this world troubles or tribulations will come, but no worries, be of good cheer, for because he has overcome the world, there is a definite solution and answer for anything we may face.

Again, marriage is a living, breathing, ever growing, developing and evolving journey. The Holy Spirit taught me another great lesson about the importance of tenacity in marriage, come what may. Once my ring finger got a blister which developed an infection on the area between my finger and wedding ring. It became so sore and caused so much pain that it became necessary for me to take off my ring for a time to allow my finger to heal. Both my ring and my finger had to get proper cleaning in order to ensure no further infection would spread. Eventually my finger did heal and I was able to wear my ring again.

Husbands, wives, sometimes there are things that may creep up in order to grow, fester and cause infection in your marriage, with the aim strictly to cause division. As Sam and I matured in marriage, we went through many of those challenges where misunderstandings and hurtful times pushed us apart emotionally and relationally. Periodically things seemed like they were getting more worse than better. We couldn’t even pin-point where some of these attacks were coming from. We were “at each other’s throats” for sometimes the dumbest of reasons. Husbands and wives I implore you, when you are faced with these tough times, dig your heels deep in and stand firm together. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” – Ephesians 6:12 Yes, I know what you must be thinking, “But Karen, my husband or wife, is the one (the flesh and blood) right in front of me yelling, ignoring, arguing and giving me emotional stress. They are the ones causing my headaches and hurt.” Yes, that may be what you see. However, that is the strategy of the enemy, to use you against each other – much like that blister and infection that came out of nowhere on my finger without a known cause. Truly I couldn’t tell you with complete certainty that it was the finger that caused the infection or it was something that was on my ring which was the culprit. I couldn’t blame my ring or my finger. I just know that because of the infection my finger and my ring had to go through a cleansing in order to promote proper healing.

Always look harder at your situation. Be very prayerful. Seek the Lord’s counsel. The answer may be right in front of you. During one of our greatest disagreements, it hit my husband and me like a brick wall that the reason we had been arguing so much is because we needed to be with each other more. We had lost touch with just hanging out with each other – going on our dates, having pleasant conversation, sharing quality and lovely intimate times. We had so crowded our lives with our day to day activities and happenings -work, home, church, children- that we had neglected each other. We immediately rectified the problem. We planned a date and were out painting the town by the weekend.

Any challenges, any disagreements, get to the root cause and don’t allow it to fester in your relationship. Don’t sleep on it, don’t ignore it, don’t cover it and don’t dismiss it. Address it and take the necessary steps to bring about healing. Remember in joining together under God, our Father, you became one flesh. You are no longer two but one flesh. It is imperative to maintain the sanctity and integrity of that special bond. Adhering to the very special commitments, roles and responsibilities for marriage outlined not just in the book of Ephesians and Colossians, but many other places throughout the Word of God. What God has joined together, let no man (including the husband and wife in the relationship) separate. “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.”