Some focus on the wedding band as the perfect symbol of an unending union between a husband and wife. Many presiding Ministers recite the ritualistic speech common to many weddings which emphasizes the special significance of the bands. However, on a walk one day, the Holy Spirit taught me something very interesting and vital about the journey of marriage by highlighting these wedding valuables. Simply focusing on the rings’ symbology of the unending union between man and woman, husband and wife, wasn’t enough. In beginning to understand the journey of marriage, we must also turn our focus to the very mysterious and magical connection between the ring and the finger that bears it.
I remember when I first received my wedding ring. It was absolutely beautiful to look at. It was an exquisite statement which proclaimed, “Wow, he loves me! He chose me and wants us to spend the rest of our lives together. I will be no longer be Miss Karen Thomas, but I am now Mrs. Karen Elaine Stewart.” However, as beautiful as my ring was and as much as it excitedly reminded me of my new life and position as a wife, it initially was very uncomfortable on my finger. My finger didn’t seem to care how magnificent it looked. It was simply foreign. My finger was use to functioning by itself, without this new weight attached to it. I kept having to move the ring around on my finger, then up and down on my finger, in all attempts to get a comfortable setting.
Much like the initial acquaintance between ring and finger, beginning a union and life together as husband and wife, may involve some discomforts. This of course comes after we get past the initial glitz and sparkle and the oohs and ahhs of the honeymoon stage. We then slip into the reality of the lifelong commitment that was made. Think about it! Two unique individuals come together. Each with their own expectations, desires, plans, idiosyncrasies, moods and attitudes and must learn to function together as one. There may come moments where we seem foreign to each other. No matter how many things we may initially have in common, as time goes by, life shows us that we have just as many things to disagree on. These aren’t moments however to get discouraged and “throw in the towel”. These are opportunities, as with the band and the finger, for adjustments to be made in preparation for lasting growth and developing a loving and thriving bond in our marriage. Similar to me moving the ring up and down on my finger for proper placement, the up and down movements in our marriages can create better understanding, maturity and finally, lasting and beneficial cohesiveness. Change, communication and compromise become necessary in our relationships in order for them to truly flourish.
Again, after the “pixie dust” of our honeymoon stage settles, we may consider, much like the finger without the ring, that we were use to functioning as an individual. My husband and I have been married now for almost twenty-five years. I remember before we got married my husband made a wise statement to me which I never forgot. He said, “You’re gonna need to get rid of that independent thing you have going on.” Was that easy to hear or do? Not initially. But I remember thinking that he was absolutely right. In order for our marriage to work, we had to function as a team. In marriage, we must move together as a unit. Think as a unit. Not thinking exactly alike, but our actions, thoughts and speech should complement our goal to enhance, bring value to and preserve our relationship – loving each other through any and all things. When we fail to do this, we may experience the abrasiveness of conflicting opinions – a rubbing against, where sparks fly and unnecessary fires erupt. Some arguments may ensue because we haven’t quite had it all figured out on how to best function together. The tug of war we feel may relate to what Jesus spoke about, the “two becoming one flesh…no longer two, but one flesh.” That’s no easy feat.
However, don’t lose hope. This is where the Lord and His word becomes invaluable in guiding your relationship to success. If you allow Him to, the Lord will teach you how to finesse your two personalities into agreements and compromise. It’s like taking your two individual makeups and sets of rules and formulating one cohesive set which satisfies and works for you as one.
(Continued in….Part 2 of “The Wedding Band”)
